Building a Partnership April 12, 2009
Posted by justinlall in Blog.Tags: Improving, Partnership
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I was very saddened when my uncle, and avid Flight C player, told me he hadn’t been playing much because he couldn’t find a suitable partner. His first partner had outgrown him. The same thing that makes our game great, the partnership element, can also lead to a lot of frustration. The truth is half of our successes, and failures, depend on the idiot across the table from us. How do we find a good one?
There is no clear answer, but I’d say becoming a part of the community is a good way to do it. If there is a group of players that talks about the hands after the game, try to integrate yourself into that group. Eventually you will come to know many players by doing this, and your choice of partners will go up.
If this isn’t an option an online forum like BBF, or an online club on BBO is a great way to meet players. I know I have met a lot of people this way, some who I even ended up playing with in real life.
Barring that, I would say you should just play locally with pickup partners to meet new people, and eventually you will find someone who seems like a good match.
Once you find that person, what is the next step?
There are two important things to consider now. First, you have similar bridge goals. Before you even play a card together you should discuss these goals and make sure they align. It could be anything from simply learning and getting better to winning a national championship. Depending on your goals you can make plans to study or not study together, and to have a simple or complicated system. The other thing is to be of similar skill levels. If one player is better than the other, unless they will be patient while the other learns, it can be very frustrating for that person. Similar skill is a must to keep the balance in the partnership.
After that, start making your system. Unless one of your goals was to learn a complicated system, I’d say keep it simple. The less the better. Early in the partnership it’s better to build trust and learn each other’s styles. Conventions can be added slowly over time. Don’t worry if you have different styles, though. A lot of top partnerships have a straight man and an action man.
So, you have found a prospective partner, have similar goals, and have a system. In the long run what will you need to survive and flourish?
- Communication. This is the most important. If you think your partner made a bad bid or play, or don’t even understand why he did something, you have to be able to talk about it (at the appropriate time). Don’t keep this stuff in or it will eat away at you and your partnership won’t improve. Similarly, if your communication is too harsh nobody gains. Both partners should be receptive to criticism, but it should be constructive.
- Trust. I’m not just talking about trust that partner won’t pass your forcing bid. That is important, but more important is trust that partner will show up at the table ready to play, not drunk, not late, etc. Trust that they will follow the bounds of the system and style in use, and not violate that on a whim. Trust that partner is always trying their best.
- Mutual Respect. This is tied in to being at a similar skill level. If there is not mutual respect then there is nothing to stop one person from taking a flier, leading to resentment from the other. There will also be condescending attitudes which are not conducive to growth.
- Friendship. Some will consider this debatable, but I don’t. Bridge partners have a unique camaraderie, they are in the trenches together battling it out. Nobody else is on their side. I believe you have to want to fight for not just yourself, but for your partner also. You have to want your partner to succeed, and I believe a good relationship away from the table is important for this. You just lose some edge if you don’t have it.
Don’t worry uncle, there are other fish in the sea!
“Friendship. Some will consider this debatable, but I don’t.”
I think you play bridge best if it’s with someone you’d like to do things together if you were not playing bridge.
Great writeup!
I always enjoy reading what you have to say. Your bridge wisdom clearly extends beyond simply making competitive bidding decisions at the 5 level, and pulling off complicated squeezes.
As I’m still playing pickup at the club level, and still very much flight C, I’ll keep all of this in mind going forwards.
Pretty cool write-up Justin….
I agree with most of what you say although there is one, imho, that you have missed out (although arguably it may be in-between the lines of the others) and that is the idea of ‘Common Objectives’ (this is perhaps more important when it comes to playing with someone on a regular basis)
With my work commitments and not being able to play as regularly as i used to (at least f2f yet this is applicable online too) , I find that lasting partnerships are harder to come by. But the ones that have persisted are those where when we sit down we play for a reason where there is a COMMON GOAL. I want to play the best bridge i can (so does s/he), but i also want to enjoy it (so does s/he) and winning is a bonus yet not a necessity (just that we played good bridge, irrespective of the result)
I dont mind post-mortems; i dont mind discussing radical system changes; i even dont mind sitting down and talking about things other than bridge. Those who i find i am *not* that enthusiastic playing with (again) are those that don’t take the bridge seriously enough (they see it as a night out – dont want to learn or improve, dont want to absorb any lessons learnt) and those who take it TOO seriously (every board must be a top, sweeps aside any opportunity to have a (maybe distracting) banter and a laugh and cannot accept that a bad board was inevitable)
I am very fickle this way and maybe that’s why there have been but a few (my ex-wife excluded
) with whom i look forward to play. I know it will be challenging, thoughtful and fun.
When i think more about it, it is understanding that the other has a personality similar to yours and has an outlook and objective that is compatible with yours.
Alex (aka slothy)
Would you consider distance to be a factor?
It has been one in my recent bridge playing years. I’ve not really had a fixed partner for a long while now. Original partner went overseas for university, second partner had totally different playing goals from me, and before I knew it, it’s my turn to leave and obviously no one wants to partner someone who’s going to be leaving! Of course, I have a “fixed” partner in my team in university, but again, both our goals are not similar, and outside of term time, we don’t even play much, and when I am home during the holidays my only recourse is BBO and said partner rarely logs in!
Granted, my case might be pretty unique, but it might become increasingly common in the modern day of globalisation!
Justin,
As you surely already know, the best way to have a good partner is to be a good partner. For those who do not KNOW how to be a good partner, the best lessons in that direction have been in S. J. Simon’s _Why You Lose at Bridge_ for the past sixty years or so.
Congratulations on the strong Myrtle Beach Regional performance with your dad.
Brian Potter